Kemo D. (kemo_d7) wrote,
Kemo D.

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Top 5 Positions for Car Sex

Car Sex in the 21st Century

Want to be a Real Bad Boy? Take These Sex Positions for a Test Drive!

Dashboard Confession:
This car sex position is kickass if you have bucket seats! The dashboard confession looks just like that…a confession. You (him) are sitting upright in the passenger seat and your girl is sitting on your lap and posed in a forward position with her hand on the alter….uh I mean dashboard.

She will use her hands to push and grind religiously on your lap while dusting off the dash with her sweaty palms. You (him) will place your hands on her waist or hips and help her with taking you to the “higher power” of orgasm, occasionally lifting her bottom off your staff of joy.

The downside to this position is that it has the highest “BUSTED” factor of any position. Because you are both facing the same way you can’t se others, like cops, come up behind you and surprise you. And, because you are both in the same seat of an empty car that is not moving you are inviting onlookers and voyeurs to watch your girl receive her pleasure penance.

Back Seat Driver:
You knew this one was coming! The backseat (if you have one) is the ultimate place to be the Road Warrior. Lean the other seats forward so you have moving space, leg room and a place to hide.

Frankly I am a bit of a showoff so when we were in the parking lot we got right in the backseat. My Quad Cab could seat 3 sumo wrestlers back there let alone a blond hottie I sat in the middle of the bench seat upright with my legs spread on both sides of the console.

Hot MILF Momma got on top in the straddle position as if to ride that pony back to the barn. She had to duck her head a little until she just poked it out the back window.

Can you imagine seeing a parked truck with tinted windows and a blond head bobbing in and out of the back window? I can.

The upside to the backseat is you can sit up and/or lay flat to get it on with YOUR stick shift being the only one in the way. You can lie down and hide if you hear a noise or want to pass out from flooding the engine. Plus, I learned the hard way it is better to get sweat and body fluids on the back seat then the front.

4 on the Floor:
This is the bomb-diggity for the guy when it comes to Mad Max positions. This position incorporates the Backseat Driver and “cranks it up a notch”. This position is when you really want to “drag race” hard and fast and get to the tape.

In the backseat you push the seats forward as far as they will go and even lean them forward toward the dashboard. You will get behind her as she leaves one leg cocked up on the bench seat and one leg is on the floor.

You will put yourself in the same position, leaning forward and keeping low in the back as you “bring up the rear”. That is 2 on the Floor.

Now for 4 on the Floor, if you are both flexible then turn your bodies so both of you are facing toward the backseat and both of you have all four legs in on the floor in the back seat. You will have to spread her legs and fold them upward to give yourself room - hopefully she is flexible enough because this is the HEMI when you are driving it home. Bend her forward and floor it.

The downside to 4 on the floor is that is very uncomfortable for her. Don’t tell her that though. The upside to 4 on the floor is you will be done soon or you will have a monster Charlie Horse.

The Grand Prix:
Car sex is not always the most satisfying but it is definitely fun, exciting and adventurous. I highly encourage you to try a new “road map” the next time you and your girl are out and about.

Whether you go out to dinner or on a road trip you will never look at your car the same way again. Why do you think all those people go to NASCAR races? Did you think it was the race? No, it is the “tail gaiting” parties.

So the next time you go to dinner, take a detour on the way home. Pull into a parking lot and have some fun. If you see a truck with a blond head bobbing, then find another parking lot break in your driving skills, this track is not big enough for the both of us.

P.S.: Bring a towel for the pit crew.

Kemo D. (a.k.a. no.7)

Tags: funny stuff
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