kemo3

Sex Workout



Having sex is yet another great past time for burning up those unwanted fat producing calories...

REMOVING CLOTHES  

With partner's consent...                                                12 calories

Without partner's consent...                                           187 calories

   

UNHOOKING BRA  

Using two calm hands...                                                 7 calories

Using one trembling hand...                                           36 calories

   

GETTING INTO BED  

Lifting partner...                                                             1.5 calories

Dragging partner along floor...                                          16 calories

Using skateboard...                                                          3 calories

   

ACHIEVING ERECTIONS  

For normal healthy man...                                              2.5 calories

Losing erection...                                                           14 calories

Searching for it...                                                          115 calories

   

PUTTING ON CONDOM  

With erection...                                                              1.5 calories

Without erection...                                                         300 calories

   

INSERTING DIAPHRAGM  

If the woman who does it is:  

Experienced...                                                                  6 calories

Inexperienced...                                                              73 calories

If a man does it...                                                          650 calories

Add five calories for retrieving it from across the room.  

   

POSSIBLE INTERCOURSE SIDE EFFECTS  

Bouncing...                                                                     7 calories

Sliding around...                                                              9 calories

Serious skidding...                                                         12 calories

Whiplash...                                                                    27 calories

   

ORGASM  

Real...                                                                             27 calories

Faked...                                                                         160 calories

   

ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE  

Shoes flew off...                                                             35 calories

Expression didn't change...                                            0.5 calories

Orchestra swelled...                                                         6 calories

Birds sang:  

Large birds...                                                                   7 calories

Small birds...                                                                   3 calories

Earth moved...                                                                30 calories

   

PULLING OUT  

After orgasm...                                                               0.5 calories

A few moments before orgasm...                                     500 calories

   

GUILT  

Banging your boss for a promotion...                            30 calories

Sex during a 'sickie'...                                                 10 calories

Bonking each other with parents in other room...             7 calories

Putting it on your expense account...                             9 calories

   

AGGRAVATION  

Partner keeps showing plant...                                        5 calories

Partner insists on dog cuddling during foreplay...             14 calories

Partner just visited bathroom for 5th time...                     10 calories

Partner is taking phone calls...                                        7 calories

Partner is making phone calls...                                    40 calories

   

GETTING CAUGHT  

By partner's spouse...                                                    60 calories

By your spouse...                                                        100 calories

Trying to explain...                                                         55 calories

Trying to remain calm...                                                100 calories

Leaping out of bed...                                                      75 calories

Getting dressed in one motion...                                   500 calories


Kemo D. (a.k.a. no.7)
..

 

  • Current Mood: amused amused
Tags:

Comments have been disabled for this post.