Kemo D. (kemo_d7) wrote,
Kemo D.

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Guys Only

The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs, those giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a woman. Train yourself to recognize - and decode - these KEY "SIGNS." Figuring out these moronic little indicators can save you a lot of time and effort.

1. She won't unlock car door for man - Doesn't engage in oral sex.
2. Wants to go to a French restaurant - Will swallow.
3. Wants to go to a deli - Won't swallow.
4. Takes too long deciding what to order - Has trouble reaching orgasm.
5. Orders salad dressing on the side - Will give you a hand job, but will not go "all the way."
6. Gives explicit orders to waiter - Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed.
7. Asks for extra rolls - Will say she is using birth control when she's not.

8. Asks for "The Usual" - Insists on missionary position only.
9. Asks what the specials are - Will want you to use handcuffs.
10. Drinks Decaffeinated - Fakes Orgasm.
11. Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts - Needs you to talk dirty during sex.
12. Orders a dessert involving nuts - Castrating Bitch.
13. Wants to split dessert - Is dying to get rid of her apartment, move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your baseball posters.
14. Uses toothpick - Is trying to tell you size isn't everything.

Tags: funny stuff
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